After reading Percy Jackson with all those wonderful and intriguing prophecies and secretly admiring Athena and her daughter Annabeth, it’s simply hard to resist completely reading the Greek mythology…and there you go! I read Percy Jackson and the Greek gods and DUH being mythology, you are likely to be ridiculed by the story though if you ever manage to meet the twelve Olympians (hopefully not all at once, they would zap you off…you see they don’t like us mortals very much..) these would come in use..or you never know even in you practical life…these gods could just come disguised…either to spy or could be they’re just stunned by your beauty…
Zeus, King 👑 of Olympus
⚫️ Just don’t chop your dads will ya..?
I mean, I started to get a little grossed out and sick seeing all these gods and titans zapping and chopping themselves. First, Gaia simply just gets pissed off with her hubby Ouranos and orders her son, Kronos to chop him up with the (first ever one, possibly)scythe she made, and there ya go..all chopped up, though his golden blood ichor did give rise to a bajillion other creatures. And sadly, that isn’t the end of it… Zeus decides to get back at his father for gobbling up his siblings(we’ll get back to that later)and there’s another chopped up dad..into a thousand pieces and cast into the deep pits of Tartarus.
– ⚫️ Stop gobbling up your kids, for heaven’s sake! Oh sorry, forgot the queen of heavens is in your belly..🙁
Oh gosh, Kronos, you just can’t keep gobbling up your kids, just because your dad cursed you..I mean, you deserved that..! Vlacas!! (LOL..feeling smug, 😏😏learnt some swear words in Greek…BTW, that means idiot) Well, at least in the end you barfed them out, I’m happy! Though I still think you need some personal hygiene..!
⚫️ Just stop tossing away your kids, just because they’re ugly!
Ugh.. I feel bad for the Cyclopes and the Hundred- handed ones, I mean Ouranos shouldn’t have just tossed them off into Tartarus because they were ugly! They would’ve made you some wonderful weapons..And Hephaestus, certainly, being tossed off Mount Olympus twice, by each parent…for being ugly and for helping your mum…uuughh
⚫️ Zeus, seriously? It’s time to keep track….
OF YOUR WIVES!! Seriously, being head of Olympus, you should be an example…Just, at least keep track of the number of wives you have..and ohh your kids too!
⚫️ Ummm, revenging has limits…
Hera, I completely understand your husband is a jerk, having so many girlfriends, breaking his promise and stuff, though I’d say you shouldn’t be so hard on his girlfriends though, just get a little easy, will ya?
⚫️ It’s best not to get back at the gods..!
Seriously, I mean it, anyone of the gods…they could just zap you off if they wanted to. And.. you know, these gods do tend to hold grudges a LITTLE too much..
⚫️Don’t get on the bad side of your grandmother
I mean, who wouldn’t get pissed off when you just chop off her favourite sons and throw them off into Tartarus..she would obviously avenge their “chopping” by sending giants and stuff, though you know, she should rest, after all, it’s just her grandsons and great- grandsons ruling, isn’t it?
Ahh, I love Fan art….and btw, if I were a demigod I’d be child of apollo!!
⚫️We are never ever ever…
Doing a bad dress up! (I would put it this way, if I were Taylor Swift..LOL) Yes, the next fancy dress competition, if they tell you to dress up as Greek god say NO. (Like Meghan Trainor..oh gosh, lots of pop stars popping up…LMAO..SO MANY PUNS)
Yeah, the gods wouldn’t consider it an honour and think Mortals have cute shrieks when they step on them, which I think is GROSS! You wouldn’t want to end up like that dude Salmoneus..he thought the people should honour kings first rather than gods, so he decided to trick them, he did a very LAME dress up as Zeus and went out and well, you guessed it! A jagged lightning split the sky and yeah, POOF!
⚫️You are never better at doing anything than the gods!
You never know, you could be,but you know, just stay grounded, all of us know Gods have egos bigger than mount Olympus, you don’t want turned into a spider or having your skin flayed, do you? You don’t want to end up like Arachne, a cutesy spider or like that satyr dude Marsyas, having been flayed alive..hmm you just end up with a sad ending just because you dared to make music as good as Apollo or weave as skilled as Athena..
⚫️ You won’t be needing any patrons..
Yeah, if you have two gods wanting to patronise your city, well, just don’t say no to both, they would combine to get your city to ashes, maybe, you should just run away, because that city and the people are GONERS. Yes, like the city Attica or Athens. Athena and Poseidon compete, Athen being wiser wins, she gave them olive trees and they loved it, and renamed the city Athens in honour of their patron. But hey! What about Poseidon? He gave them horses and they went for olives, obviously, though he destroyed the lower part of the city with a flood.
⚫️ Just stay away from Ares
I bet you’re like “DUH!” IF you knew his identity! Oh oh, it’s the god of war! I guessed you figured the rest, he is obviously mercilessly ,rudely, warly ,cunningly and perhaps accidentally ,godly. Yeah, he’s immortal and YOU’RE NOT!
⚫️Don’t watch any god turn to their real form
You’d DISINTEGRATE. Though, not likely you’d meet one tomorrow, just saying!
⚫️Fire, we’re lucky!
We struck two stones and then fire appeared, didn’t it? Well, sadly Prometheus doesn’t think so…he gave it to us, though Zeus forbid him to..! So currently he’s been chained to a rock and has a re-forming liver which would re- form everyday for an eagle to tear and eat..! Hmmm…GROSS
⚫️Gods don’t like human meat (though Zeus didn’t mind gobbling up his pregnant wife)
Yes, no messing around!! No cannibalism with the gods, duh! They’re gonna leave you with a curse for eternal hunger and thirst beneath a tree with delicious apples…like that dude, Tantalus. Well, you see he didn’t like his son very much, so he chopped him up for dinner, and the gods weren’t pleased, especially after resting a while in their dad’s belly!
⚫️Don’t escape death..
Yeah, don’t you think you can knock out death (actually, Thanatos, Hades’ lieutenant showed up.) and stuff him under the bed. Well, this dude, Sisyphus didn’t stop with only getting away once. After he got escorted to the Underworld after Ares rescued Thanatos as none would die in war, Sisyphus lied again and got away from Hades, and at last, Hermes, dragging him back to the Underworld, he got his punishment. He had to push this rich to the top of a hill, but the problem was, it kept rolling back again, ummmmm practically it was impossible. Nah, he couldn’t stop either, the Furies would keep checking on him.
Ugggh, that was sure, some super- GROSS and hopefully some useful learning about Greek mythology, and yeah just don’t try these stuff out…